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Thursday, July 14, 2016

Depression and spiritual awakening

'They said i was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder...

Well, it was the best shit ever!! Yet the scariest thing ever...

I feel like i'm one with the universe, i feel everything, i see everything, i hear everything, the good and the bad.

I meet my old self, my past life, getting all crazy and shit, something from the inside is trying to break free.

All the negative feelings and trauma from the past is trying to resurface, telling me to face em head on in order to heal emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically....owww my demons...how i miss you~

Seeing things that ain't there, hear em and feel em...am i hallucinating? i don't know...

Should have just kill myself, cuz i don\t understand shits that going on in my head, sometimes i even forgot how to feel...

i felt this very strong vibration coming out from my whole body, like an electric current zapping my whole body from the inside! owww...gawd...waittt...just how many bodies do i have  anyway??

The truth hurt, nothing in this world is giving you the right answers, just have to figure it out yourself.

On a path of self-discovery, i realize one thing, true love heals everything.

Awaken the soul within, it has all the answers that one needs to know.

REMEMBER the real you, your fate is in your hand.



Sunday, September 27, 2015

Psychic or just plain psychotic

How to know if you're a psychic?

Well.... i don't know about you, but i can only tell you about my 1st hand experience.

................................

Once upon a time... and im no good with my english,,,still...

okay enuff...!

Here are some judgements that i got from family to friends to society...

1. Confusing use of words/full of metaphor.
- well yeah... i don't like talking too much in real life, i only talk if it's important, so i just make things sound as simple and significant as i can, and people are like, "what the fuck are ya talking about? i don't shitty understand your gibberish bulshits!" Philosophical and psychological.

2. All your 5 basic senses are highly developed, and you're sensitive as fuck.
- and it's killing, i have nightmare all the time when i still can't control myself. I feel like i can feel everyone's aura, i can even see colours comin out from their body and all the objects all around me, you see... there's no such thing as black and white aura only, there are 7 basic colours like the rainbow colours.

3. Highly ambitious and rebellious.
- Dreaming a lot, then tomorrow start dreaming another dream again, then change again tomorrow, and all those dreams are very vivid and imaginative, i think like i can archive many things at a time, i can't stand routines, i hate working with shallow minded people who have no dream to archive.

4. Disorganize and creativity.
- In my early journey...i had a rough time focusing one thing at a time, i love music and art, philosophy and psychology, when i learn something new i only learn something from a short period of time then everyone was like, "wow! you're good but damn you're stupid! you change your focus again, can't continue one thing"....well~ shut yo mouth!

5. Emotional and spiritual.
- Many people told me to learn how to repressed my emotions, and learn to be a stoic person, well to be honest i may look calm from the outside but from the inside, i feel like i wanna explode and kill people, i feel like im being chained and force to follow rules and orders from what most of the people actually are doing, all i see are 'dead people' or soulless people living in a physical body. well yeah...I live alone in a small beautiful house with the nature and animals and oww....spiritual beings! I feel so alive~~

6. Can predict the future.
-well yeah...most of the time until people tell me to shut the fuck up until it happens right in front of their eyes...DAMN!! that feels goooooddd~~~ wuahahaha

oke enuff....thanks for reading.

Peace be upon ya~




Wednesday, August 19, 2015

ADHD & Bipolar Disorder

WHAT DA FARK MANNN!!

And woooww yeahh maddafaka! It's been a friggin while i didn't update any new post in my weirdo blog, sy tau la sy penuh dgn carutan trololol dan typo sana sini... Well fuck it~

.........,.........

I've just  realized that i've been diagnosed with  some mental disorder somehow, well 'they' said that but as for me, i feel good like there's no such thing as mental disorder if you don't perceive it that way...

Adhd (attention deficit hyperactive  disorder), like what the hell? I know that i hate school, i keep drawing my books at every last page of my books, i have many imaginary friends, they are from the other world or reality, i felt like i can archive anything & everything in life without any restraining nor control from anybody even my family and friends.

BD 1 (bipolar disorder type 1), i don't care nor i don't know what the fuck is all this bipolar bulshit, the only thing i do care is i just don't like to follow the crowd nor do i intend to force myself to blend in with others in a long period of time bcuz all i hear keep comin out from their mouth is complaining about life and their job, judging me for being insane, mad, nonesense about reality, i dislike the idea about faith in every man-made popular and powerful religions since it's being govern by the government, arguing with ignorant people that think they understand the symbolic meaning in their holy books, they think they trust in God but what the hell??? You didn't even met one face to face and you're just plain saying you know him/her or the angels watsoever?? I get so angry and disappointed by stupidity and ignorant, i even being called lucifer?? What the hell??  I see things that aren't there, hear em, and felt em...  you know what? They were my once imaginary friend that you guys mock when im still little, they were real, spirits are real! I just felt like im stuck in an ignorant reality, aarrgghh!! I should calm the fuck down....

Ow well.... This will be the best and awesome journey of my life! If you think you have mental disorder, think again, you're not, you're just fooling yourself.

Accept everything called life, it is precious. 

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Before THE END of 2012, let's ENJOY!!

waii nah! lama dah nda post sesuatu ntah pa barang sy mo post ni, k enuff....


There's so many things had happened through out this year, there are at times we were tired, weary with all the works to be done, feeling sad, break-up with boyfriend or girlfriend, getting angry, arguing, fighting, crying, drinking too much until throw it all back (if you know what i mean), not enough money, getting all stress out over almost everything...

but it doesn't mean we never had fun, feel wanna laugh as loud as we can, we all want to understand what it means by 'feeling alive', so yeah, go and live yo fucking life to the fullest!

Wanna understand what it means by ENJOYING life by making mistakes, feeling down then getting back up, fell in love, befriend with so many people and dot dot dot...

Up until now, after all those shitty things and fun things that had been thrown at us through out this year from January till this month DECEMBER~

Let's go for a walk, and enjoy our life before the end of the year 2012. wooohh!!

enjoy sebelum kiamat...org bilang...lulz

Hobbycon at Citymall, on 8th till 9th of December

Robert with Iron man cosplayer

Anime poster for sell anyone?

Babes

ow mai that's HAWT! lolz!

ya beli beli~

Gundam action figures



errr.....

high school of the dead cosplayer


treeeppp....!!!

pui!

what is diz?!

when walking on land is too mainstream

epic fail 

ow da face...lolz


bunch of robin hood wannabe

missed..

missed more..

epic missed!

the result...





pok silap!

epic jua lar..

kuyak salana!

=____=""

jelingan mauts!

the Sanguine, Choleric, Phlegmatic, Melancholic 


PWNED!

pui...

...lar!






lepas ni, ramai2 muka PLASBAK!!



Saturday, March 24, 2012

post mengarut yang tidak la mengarut sangat

sy tipu ja tu...

mo crita style bahasa local sket yang tak la se-local manapun.

waw! lama uda sy nda buka ni blog ow! sbb ada tu urang sna blakang sy tapuk2 mau tingu apa sy tulis, bukan sy tulis pasal ko pun! p ko main sama tu bantal! bergoncang sendiri2 sna atas sofa.

baru2 ni sy dapat kerja dah, keja sebagai tukang masak di novotel hotel, commis 3 dalam cold kitchen bulan lalu (1st February 2012).

Syoknya dapat duit uda~ tapi sy ni stingy pnya orang, stingy sama diri sendiri la supaya lambat abis duit, DAPAT BUDGET duit!

Dan hari ni (24th MARCH 2012), sy ambil cuti satu hari, mau p lawat orang mau kena kubur di kampung. Mula-mula parents sy mau bawa sy p sana, tapi akhirnya dorang suruh sy p sana sndiri guna tu kereta jip suzuki biru.

tu kampung pun trletak di tengah2 hutan, tengah2 lubang gaung, sy tak pernah pandu pergi sana sndri selama ni, jadi hari ni test drive la.

mati2 lagi sy pijak brek dan tarik handbrake serentak, masih lagi tu kereta turun bukit dengan lajunya! tiba2 enjin termati, pukitai! sy tingu ja tu gaung di sebelah sy masa tu. Tu urang tua pun balik2 tepon...adui...tambah tekanan...mau juga sy jawab, "tunggu sy jatuh p gaung lu baru tepon sy"

akhirnya sy sampai juga di kampung taginumbur! waw! rindu gila ni tempat~~ banyak masa zaman kanak2 sy dihabiskan di sini~ rindu bau hutan, bau lumpur sampai tayar kereta sy stuck di lumpur tersebut, rindu bau sungai, rindu makanan tradisional~~

masa kat dalam rumah kami di kampung tu, ada satu lubang besar bekas di...KURIK?? oleh orang ntah sepa, dengar cerita dari datuk sy, "ada bekas dan tanda2 jampi dalam lubang tu"...cepat2 sy kuar dari tu tempat trus...

-------------------------------------------------------

"tunggu sy jatuh p gaung lu baru tepon sy", (tu kampung terletak di tengah2 lubang gaung basar dalam hutan, mengikut sejarah, tempat ni bekas persembunyian orang tempatan ketika penjajahan jepun, dari kawasan persembunyian berubah menjadi satu kawasan pertempatan)

Monday, January 2, 2012

Family Gathering

Talk about my family gathering, it can be the most funniest shit, or it can be the most annoying shit ever...

but still it's part of the culture and it can be the most dramatically interesting ever.

.........................................

Everytime there's a family gathering, we wont forget this STUFFS;

-cousins
-strangers which turned out to be your long lost cousin
-friends which then turned out to be you cousin as well...
-old men which is errrr....
-brats
-karaoke
-barbecue
-picture picture picture!
-beer
-liquor
-aarrgghh!! any kinds of alcoholic drinks!

like most of the times, some of the parents (ow mother! ow auntie!) love to compare their children with other children of how good or how bad their grades is in school/college/university or even in the working life now (in certain way but still..)

comparing of how much of a badass, creative, smartass and successful their child is, when they start talking bout money or business....the conversation will turn out to be fucked up and complicated, everyone will start going greedy....

the karaoke! omg...the most funniest shit ever when some drunk old man and young adults start singing something that even they can't spit it right, everyone is hella DRUNK!

no beer/liquor no kinship..the hell... there was once i was asked by some old man,

"hey, come drink with us!"

me said, "NO THANKS, me don't drink those stuffs"

"WHAT?! if you can't drink then don't say you are part of OUR PEOPLE!"

orang bilang 'orang kita' bah

"Wait kid?! how ol are yu??"

"18...."(that was two years ago)

"whaaattt??! my son already start drinking when he was 12!!"

WTF dude?! what kind of a father are you supporting your underage son to drink that stuff?!

the most annoying thing is when everyone are more into 'honor before reason' kind of attitude.

"DON'T DISHONOR THE CULTURE!!"

ow gawd...

The whole place just smell like #@$@#$@#$@#$@#$#@$.......!

this is the most common family gathering that i've attend all this time, it can be 'informal' or 'formal' way of family gathering.

I bet some youngsters don't like attending their family gathering but not all though like me(sometimes)

well anyway this is one of the way to know more about your family and your long lost cousins.

so...yeah...

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Ni kali lah!!

wuinaa lama dah tidak update blog MENGARUT sy! rindu sangat~~~~

oki, ni kali sy mau tulis dalam BAHASA style tatabahasa sendiri.

NI KALI LAH!!

crita pada hari ini (Sabtu, 10 Disember 2011)...

hari ni macam hari lain biasa, penat mau mampos, dan lepas siap keja dan budak shift petang datang ja, kami yang shift pagi lari p mall 1Borneo trus!

buat apa?

mau pergi main bowling.

tapi tidak sempat pla...sebab hari ni kami ada perlawanan persabahatan sekali lagi dengan TLDM (tentera laut agak2 la) dalam acara bowling, memanah, dan meja bola? (main poll orang kata).

........................................

sy cuma jadi penonton ja, sambil duduk dengan relaxnya di tempat duduk dewan memanah tadi, tiba-tiba...

"NADIA!! sila ambil tempat..."

*semua orang cari tu orang*

"siapa boleh gantikan dia?"

*semua orang dari food & beverage department tengok sy*

*tolak sy*

"guna ja ni budak bos"

....MMMMMMMM?????....tak sempat sy larikan diri, baju sy sudah kena tarik oleh 3 orang.

............................................



wow! punya main hebat! kali pertama sy memanah, panah sy terbang pergi ke kertas blok sasaran orang lain, kena di bahagian warna merah lagi tu!

semua orang yg duduk dan berdiri kat sana ketawa bukan main lagi.

kali kedua, panah ku tersasar ke bahagian warna hitam, ni kali di tempat blok sasaran sendiri.

ketawa lagi dorang sana belakang...

kali ketiga, terkena di tempat yang sama, blok sasaran sendiri, di bahagian warna hitam, di panah yang kedua tadi! sehingga panah kedua sy tadi tercabut keluar!

kerasukan dah semua orang.

........................................

akhirnya sy balik semula ke hotel, ada barbecue di tempat swimming pool hotel sebagai acara penutupan untuk perlawanan persahabatan pada hari ini dan...

hari tu kami kalah lawan TLDM di tempat mereka dalam acara bola sepak dan bola tampar, tapi kali ni dorang kalah di tempat kami! di 1Borneo hypermall! WAHAHAHA!!

ni kali lah...